Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Judgmental Horse Shit

To anyone who's ever told me "just let it go" or "don't be so hard on yourself" or "don't let it get to you" or any other exhortations along those lines:


Is there some food you enjoy, say, brussel sprouts? I hate brussel sprouts. But I won't tell you what to like or dislike. And I won't tell you how to feel about something. Because It's not my place to judge your emotions.

Every time you say that kind of crap to me, you're judging my feelings, which I have NO CONTROL OVER. You may think you're trying to help, but all you do is make shit worse for me.

STOP IT. I feel what I feel. Don't tell me not to. I don't have a choice, any more than you have a choice in what foods you like to eat. When you tell me that kind of crap, like "Just let it go," what you're really saying is, "I've decided it's wrong for you to feel the way you do, and I'm JUDGING YOU to be an asshole for feeling that way." Anyone who really cares about me won't say that shit. And I will hate you for saying it. HATE you.

It's your choice. Do I, as a person, have value? Or are you just trying to eliminate those parts of the world you're too weak to accept? If you try to tell me how I should be, you are NOT a friend of mine. And you can fuck off and die for all I care.

It's judgment. By directly stating I have a choice, you are implying that I'm making the wrong one. Why would you urge me to make a different choice if you didn't think my original choice was wrong?

People who don't know me and what I've been through aren't part of this. When they say it, sure, it annoys me, but I don't take it personally. It's the ones who do know me, know my history, and say it anyway that piss me off. Because they're also the ones who claim to care about me. The ones who get mad when I tell them I don't count them as a friend. Buddies, sure. Friendly, absolutely. But not FRIENDS.

Friends trust each other. Friends understand each other. Friends respect each other. No one who trusts me, understands me, and respects me should ever say that kind of judgmental crap to me.

This is why I have but one friend. He has NEVER told me that kind of shit. He cares about me and tries to help me as best he can, but he has never made me feel like I'm an asshole just because I feel bad. Sometimes I upset him when I'm especially down on myself. He's yelled at me in the past, saying things like, "Dude, why are you so down? You're fucking amazing! You write awesome stuff! You're super smart! I fucking love you, dude!" And sometimes, he upsets me; he's done some uncaring things in the past.

But he's never judged me. And he's never told me to lighten up, let it go, or to stop being hard on myself. He asks my WHY I'm hard on myself, but he doesn't tell me to "just stop it."

That's why he's my friend. That's why the rest of you aren't. Fuck you all.

No comments:

Post a Comment